INTERVIEWS WITH THE FAMILIES WHO ADOPTED THROUGH SRC

Pupchek's adoption story       Fillmon's adoption story

Adam and Zach's parent interview

What led you to adopt, and particularly in Ukraine?

We married at 31 and 33 and, though I never felt 'ready" to have a family, I thought it would just happen -- one day I would find out I was pregnant. When that didn't work, we tried medically assisted methods, but -- with a little help from my uninterested medical providers early on in the process -- nothing worked. I had always been comfortable with the adoption option, although my husband was less comfortable. When our physical options failed, specifically, after he had bladder cancer, he realized adoption would serve his life-long desire for fatherhood. However, he made clear that he would only adopt from Ukraine or Scotland, the countries of our ethnicity. I was just as happy to continue life as a couple unto ourselves -- and told him that if he didn't want to adopt, I would have been just as happy going to Tahiti! Nevertheless, once I found the information I needed about Ukraine, I spearheaded our adoption efforts. In fact, although I would still like to go to Tahiti some day, I am doing it all over again to try to adopt another child. We'll just take the kids.

How has Adam's life and character changed since adoption?

On the most basic level, Adam's character has not changed at all. He is an affectionate, bright, charming, clever little guy with a quick smile, a brilliant sense of humor, and lots and lots of potential. He has become more demanding in terms of what he eats and what he wants -- now that he knows that there is a possibility of having Oreo cookies, for example, he does not seem satisfied just to have them as dessert, but wants them for breakfast too! when he can't have them, he protests. I think this is pretty normal.  

In terms of his life, well, EVERYTHING has changed. He has a mummy and daddy, two grandmothers, a grandfather, godparents, three uncles, two aunts and two cousins, as well as lots and lots of second cousins and family friends. He now sleeps in his own bed in his own room -- which is not a joyful change for him. He is frightened sleeping by himself, as many children are -- however, he has spent all of his life sharing a bed with one or two children, so this is especially lonely for him. Adam had a very difficult time training his neophyte parents the first month. Further, he missed the company of children! After all he had grown up with about 20 brothers and sisters. So, he was very lonely in the company of adults. Luckily, he entered a pre-school program as soon as he came home,, and he has enjoyed it tremendously. He understood English quite quickly and stopped speaking Ukrainian at Thanksgiving (although he still understands it when his daddy and grandparents speak to him.) His routine is less structured (although I try to structure it . . . I'm not as good at that as his nurses were.) His days are not all the same, depending on weekend and holidays.  

Most importantly, he is now able to experience lots and lots of the kinds of things that will allow him to meet what seems to me (but then I'm his mum) to be extraordinary intellectual, physical and creative potential. For example, since he has been a member of the Pupchek family, this kid who had never ridden in a car before drives to school every day. Further, he has been on buses, trains, airplanes, motor boats and an ocean liner (an advantage to having a daddy in the travel business.) He has been from a tiny town in rural Ukraine to Kiev, Warsaw, New York, Atlanta, Tampa, Wilmington, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Victoria, Vancouver and Alaska. this summer, he will return to Ukraine for a month. He is taking swimming lessons and soon will take music, dancing, gymnastics and soccer. I think he will do well at them all and will probably enjoy them all as well. I am considering starting a taxi service. The thing is that he approaches every new experience with enthusiasm and learns from it. Like all children, he is a little sponge for experience. The availability of experiential water for this little sponge is greater in his new life.

How have your lives changed since adoption?

Ha, ha, ha. Vacuuming once a month is a luxury. I no longer take 2 hours to cook a nice dinner, let alone sit down for 2 hours to eat one. We still need to build a fence in the back yard, and we may have to get a new house because we have no flat place on our lot to set up a swing set or learn how to ride a tricycle or bicycle. We have toys floating in our hot tub, never turn it up high, and always wear our bathing suits. After spending days with Adam, I no longer think I am creative. I have newfound respect for women and men who stay home with their and other children and newfound sympathy for parents traveling with children. I no longer travel light -- I always bring a change of clothes for every adult and child in our party in my hand baggage, as well as lots and lots of snacks, books and matchbox cars. I no longer do any work at home. I know the names of all the Teletubbies and the Rugrats, and I know who Elmo and Clifford are. I sound just like my mother.  

We have been kissed and cuddled and beamed at and hugged and jumped on and squealed at and questioned and sung to and played with more than we ever have been in our lives. We empathize with parents in television and movies and on the news, experiencing a depth of feeling and a dimension to stories (both factual and fictional) we have never experienced before. We have been awestruck by the miracle of human linguistic, intellectual and physical development --literally rendered speechless at least three times a week. We look at each other and smile a lot. We tell ourselves how lucky we are every night before we go to bed. We feel so humble in the great scheme of things. My husband cries and cries when he thinks of the children we me there who we couldn't take home, especially the eight other little "available" boys we met after we met our son. I try to encourage other people to go to adopt in Svalyava, Ukraine, so they all will have mummies and daddies soon...

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